The dangers of talking in church

The bishop and first counselor cornered me at the temple a couple weeks ago and squeezed out the information that we had never given a talk since moving to ABQ. To Steph's dismay we were assigned talks the following Sunday. Porter helped me write his talk and was so excited to give it that he got out of bed by himself for the first time since church was moved to 9 a.m. He practiced his talk at least a dozen times and couldn't wait. When we got to church I got stuck in the foyer talking to the young men while Steph walked into the chapel with the monkeys in tow. All of the sudden I heard a THUNK! and then a scream. The next thing I saw was Steph running out of the chapel holding Porter's face with blood squirting between her fingers. Porter had clipped a walker that a 95 year old woman uses and leaves in the aisle between pews. His fall was broken by his face hitting the corner of the pew. It knocked one tooth out that was already loose, and loosened another. He had a scrape from his forehead to his chin and a big fat lip. Stephanie got him calmed down in time to give her talk leaving me about 25 minutes for my 15 minute talk. Luckily, I had been trained for this in the mission and was able to draw out the story of Elijah and comparing temple work to the movie Hoosiers. Porter didn't give his talk that week, but was able to give it this week and did a great job (except the bishopric forgot to give him a stool so you could only see his alfalfa cowlick over the stand). Just remember, the next time you're assigned a talk that talking in church can be hazardous to your health (and your face).